M&M is rolling out “female only” character packs so the sexism is over I guess

M&M is rolling out “female only” character packs so the sexism is over I guess

  • Foods
  • January 13, 2023
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Welcome to Delicious or Distressing, where we rank current food memes, videos, and other downright untrustworthy news. Last week we exposed the arrest of Andrew Tate through a pizza box in Romania.

In a word, this week was about one thing: overcompensation. To start, notorious perpetrator of female censorship and active slut-shamer, M&M launched an “all-female” package (including Green, Slut Shame-ee) and dubbed it feminism. overcompensation. Perennial headliner of this column, Ben Affleck, was caught making out unfaithfully with Starbucks just last month; In regret, he literally worked the drive-thru window of a local Dunkin’ to prove, or at least show off, his coffee loyalty. overcompensation.

Speaking of coffee, it’s only right that we pour one for the new coffeeless among us: the employees of Goldman Sachs in New York. The caffeine in the bank isn’t free anymore, and their employees are rightfully pissed off and super tired too. I really don’t feel bad because this guy who was caught on TikTok smashes a piece of wedding cake in the face of his new wife with so much unwarranted violence. Maybe he’s overcompensating for something.

Yes, M&Ms are back in the news. Yes, once again it’s because the Conservatives are freaking out. You may remember when M&M’s parent company, Mars, in an effort to promote diversity and inclusion, updated the looks and backstory of their infamous M&M characters. The green M&M ditched its boots in favor of sneakers, which made Tucker Carlson furious. Now, Mars announced its first-ever all-female packaging (brown, purple, and green) and faux Alpha Male Conservatives are once again furious.

“Hate of Man!” they scream. “Mob awake!” they whine. At this point, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that these people take every opportunity to rant and rave wide-eyed at a camera, but it shocks me every time. Let me take this opportunity to be very clear: I support the possible burgeoning sapphic love of green M&M! I support the choice of brown M&M for chunky heels! I support the girl bossery from lila M&M! I give the new all-female M&M packaging a delicious frosted 4.8/5 delicious. – Sam Stone, staff writer

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Will the bank brothers be okay? Hard to say. When Goldman Sachs employees returned to work in the New Year, they were horribly caught off guard: senior officials had stolen the company’s free coffee. According to The New York Post, those who rolled into the sun-drenched Sky Lobby for their regular morning drink were met with “a sign and a woman yelling at us that it was no longer free”. And considering they’ve already tweaked rumors of impending layoffs.

In a happy plot twist, a nearby pop-up from Cometeer Coffee, a coffee company that sells frozen concentrate packs, came to the rescue and offered the stone workers free capsules. Staff were reportedly relieved to catch the fancy Joe, describing Goldman Sachs’ office vibes to Cometeer owner Britton O’Daly as “loud, chaotic” and a place where “everyone looks sad.” I know coffee is an evil tool of capitalism, but I still don’t have time for that kind of performative frugality. How about leaving the coffee alone and maybe (*gasp*) cutting their $400,000 salaries? 2.7/5 frightening. – Ali Francis, staff writer

Certainly an attempt at becoming the most Bostonian person ever – a title previously held by Paul Revere and JFK – Ben Affleck was recently spotted working in the drive-thru of a Dunkin’ in Medford, Massachusetts. Affleck’s affection for New England’s hometown coffee megachain is hardly a secret, but this new revelation saw the co-writer of the evil Massachusetts-y movie Good Will Hunting on the other side of the counter at a Dunkin’ Donut in the Boston suburb where this writer went to college. (How do you like the apples?!)

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